


Want to Save You

by hotmess_ex_press



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Angst, M/M, Um that's about it, don't come here for a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-06 09:08:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14638629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotmess_ex_press/pseuds/hotmess_ex_press
Summary: There's Minhyuk, in all of his beauty and brightness and healing, but, after everything, all Hyungwon wants is to sleep.





	Want to Save You

**Author's Note:**

> you know what makes this reading experience even BETTER  
> ONE MORE DAY BY SISTAR UGH I'M CRYING A LOT

_I want to save you_ , Minhyuk thinks when he sees the pale boy in the waiting room. Propped up in his mother's arms, much too thin, much too translucent, a whispery breath of a person. He can't be much older than Minhyuk, if at all, but the look behind his eyes says he can't wait to leave this world.

Like he's seen it all, heard it all, felt it all, and none of it is quite beautiful enough.

Minhyuk is there, in a white uniform made to match the blank walls, when the boy finds out why he's so slim, why he's so ghost-like. His mother bursts into tears, but he simply closes his eyes, swaying a little.

"You have four weeks to live," the doctor predicts, and Minhyuk thinks that, maybe, illness isn't the only reason why he's so lifeless.

 

 

Minhyuk's heart jumps too fast when he's assigned to the boy. _Hyungwon_ , his papers state, and his heart beats a little harder.

"Hey," he whispers. Hyungwon is curled up in the flat, hard, borrowed bed, looking so small. Minhyuk brushes hair out of his eyes. "Do you want anything? Water? Food? A blanket?"

Hyungwon shivers. "I want to sleep," he murmurs, and rolls onto his other side, facing the opposite wall.

As Minhyuk walks away, he swears he hears the same scratchy voice breathe out, "Forever."

 

 

Hyungwon sleeps all day.

The doctors don't worry, the other nurses don't worry. Hyungwon doesn't worry.

Minhyuk does.

 

 

It's the middle of the night when Hyungwon calls for a nurse. Minhyuk's shift is about to end, but he races through the halls to get to him anyway.

(Two days, and he's already far too attached.)

"What's wrong?" he asks, panting slightly. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," Hyungwon shudders. His skin appears luminescent in the darkness of night, pearly, glowing like the full moon. "It hurts. It hurts so bad."

Minhyuk worries his bottom lip, knowing that there's nothing he can do. "Do you need me to get you some painkillers? A doctor?"

"No. Can you..." his voice trails off, but his fingers twitch.

Minhyuk grabs his hand and laces their fingers together. Hyungwon's are cold and bony, overwhelmed by the soft warmth of Minhyuk's hold. His grip tightens painfully, not that Minhyuk minds, and he breathes deeply until he drifts back to sleep.

 

 

Hyungwon always tries to hide his pain.

(Minhyuk always sees it anyway.)

"What was your favorite thing to do, Hyungwon? You know, before. Before all this."

Emotion flashes across Hyungwon's face. It's the only feeling he's shown besides pain, Minhyuk realizes, but it's there and gone in half a second. "I read."

"What kind of books did you read?"

He pauses, gaze flitting around the room. "Anything. Anything that let me pretend."

"Pretend what?" Minhyuk asks, soft and hesitant and scared.

"That I wasn't there. That I was someone, anyone else, that I was somewhere where it was easier. Somewhere where it doesn't cost anything to just breathe."

Hyungwon's eyelids flutter shut, and he's breathtaking.

 

 

Crouching just behind a half-open door, Minhyuk eavesdrops on the conversation between Hyungwon's two doctors.

"It's getting worse every day."

"I know."

A rustle of paper.

"We promised him four weeks, but I'm not sure if it'll be three."

Minhyuk's heart drops.

"I don't think there's much keeping him here anyway."

 

 

It's raining.

"I want to go outside," Hyungwon says.

"You're not well enough," Minhyuk replies, because it's his job, because he needs Hyungwon to stay right there with him. "Save your strength."

He sneers. "For what? Dying?"

Minhyuk turns his back to the bed, so Hyungwon can't see the mist in his eyes.

"For living," Minhyuk breathes, and the words blend right into the sounds of wet drops hitting the pavement outside. He's certain Hyungwon doesn't hear, and if he does, it means nothing.

 

 

"This is pointless," Hyungwon skims over the results his doctors had forced on him, angry but apathetic all at once. "I'm leaving soon enough. I'm wasting space. I'm wasting time. They keep trying to save me, but it won't work."

Minhyuk's fingers clench around the bottle of pills he's holding. "Goddammit, Hyungwon. Why aren't you even trying? Why aren't you even fighting to stay alive? How does this all mean absolutely nothing to you? Why is nothing good enough to make you want to stay?"

Hyungwon balls the papers up and throws them against the wall. "Because it isn't! _I_ wasn't good enough for this life, so why should _it_ be good enough for _me_?"

"Don't say that," a single tear drips down Minhyuk's face, and his voice breaks. "Don't you dare say that."

And then their lips are on each other's, hands tangled in messy hair, fingertips dancing across skeletal shoulders. Hyungwon bites Minhyuk's lower lip, hard enough to draw blood, and swipes his tongue over the red. (Like Minhyuk is so alive that even his blood could heal Hyungwon. Like he'll never have any other part of Minhyuk, so it will just have to be enough. Like that tiny taste will just have to sate him forever.)

"You mean so, so much," Minhyuk whispers once he can breathe again. "You do, Hyungwon."

"You don't mean that," Hyungwon hisses, and his walls are back up, ice and ice and ice. He lies back down and pulls the sheets over his head. "Don't lie. Goodnight, Minhyuk."

 

 

And Hyungwon is all frost and heavy breathing for three days.

( _Three days we could have been in love_ , Minhyuk thinks.)

 

 

"Minhyuk?" Hyungwon twists his blanket in his hands. The nurse turns towards him, sunshine smile as always. "I'm sorry."

And it's he who initiates the kiss this time.

He stands on shaky legs and drapes himself over Minhyuk. (He's so terribly light. Nothing, a feather, a hologram, in Minhyuk's arms. His lips are chapped and dry, but they're delicious, and Minhyuk is addicted.) It's sweet, careful, gentle tongues and satisfied sighs, but it's just as desperate. Because every touch could be their last, and they're running out of time.

 

 

"Of course I felt it," Minhyuk plays with Hyungwon's hair. The boy's head is settled in his lap, eyes closed. Peaceful. "I just didn't want to die in love."

Minhyuk hums. "I think that would be the best way to go."

"It's selfish," Hyungwon takes one of Minhyuk's hands in his and trails kisses over it. "Leaving before I get to see the rest of our story, and never giving you _enough_. Never giving you the love you deserve, breaking your heart because of something I can't even control. Four weeks could never be enough."

"Don't talk like that, Wonnie," Minhyuk pleads, and he can already feel his heart aching. "Miracles happen."

Hyungwon cracks his eyes open and grins. Bittersweet.

"One already has, Minhyuk. I met you."

 

 

Minhyuk knows something's wrong the minute he wakes up.

He's never gotten to work faster.

He stands in the center of Hyungwon's room, just staring, the curtains thrown wide open. His keys slip from his fingers, hitting the dull cement floor with a metallic crash. The bed is neatly made and empty, so empty. Even the air is heavy and cold, pressing down on Minhyuk's lungs and heart. He can't breathe.

Minhyuk reminds himself that this was always how it was going to be.

Four weeks, if that, and it would just have to be _enough._

He cries anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this! I'm sorry, truly.  
> Comments and kudos are my favorite things!


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